


The only one you need

by culticmyexecution



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A really slow write, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Write, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-06-09 06:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15261414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/culticmyexecution/pseuds/culticmyexecution
Summary: You know, there is a legend, like, nobody takes it seriously, but it still is there. You know what soulmate is, right? So, the legend goes something like, when the soulmates are about to meet, their bodies malfunction, to such an extent they might die, so they'd better be faster.





	1. January 6 Ten

Ten stared at himself in the mirror, sitting on the floor and hugging his knees carefully, and realised how actually small he looked that moment. Not because of his height that was sometimes a theme for jokes amongst his friends, but because of how vulnerable he felt snuggling on the dance studio floor with music playing as if from a distance and with his knee being torn asunder with pain.

‘This isn’t real,’ he whispered, glaring into his own eyes in the reflection.

He spent last three months trying to get used to the pain, but with each passing day it became stronger, and he felt weaker. What had started as a tingling under the joint became a thousand of needles poking so painful Ten felt it difficult to walk normally. At times he felt he wouldn’t even be able to stand up.

Ten had to cut his dance practices to one a week, spending a big part of his time at the hospital, trying to find the reason why it hurt so much — but his joints were normal and all possible checks showed he was okay — yet why then was the pain so strong he would go blind sometimes? The whole situation was just pure madness.

He knew it was a bit stupid to be so worried about not being able to dance while he could be left with no capability to just walk, but just the thought of giving up dancing set his mind on fire.

It hurt his head when he thought about what to do and what would come next. For there wasn't really anything else he could do, at least not for a living, and there was this plan on opening a dance school, which now was going broken to pieces. The money he had been saving for the school — he was against taking any from the family who'd already spent a goddamn fortune on his education and all for nothing — seemed useless now, for no money could help him resolve the issue. Helplessness came to his life probably for the first time, punching him in the chest and leaving breathless in the nights he spent pondering and fighting pain.

That day he came in advance, and was on the floor after only fifteen minutes of solo practice, which wasn't new, but he felt time slipping through his fingers. Dancing for him was the best way to express himself and to relax, forgetting the problems of life for a short time, forget the dancing school dream. It was something he had been doing for years, since he was eleven or twelve, so just letting it go was not really an option.

‘Hey,’ he heard from behind and looked up at the reflection of Taeyong in the mirror. ‘You alright?’

Taeyong was his groupmate, believed by everyone to be the second strongest dancer after Ten. They became good friends almost right after Ten had joined the group; for some reason it was very comfortable and peaceful nearby Taeyong, and Ten appreciated that peace.

‘Not really,’ Ten sighed and gestured at his right leg. ‘Still hurts like hell. I will go insane if this goes on.’

Taeyong sat right before him, blocking the view of the mirror. ‘You were going to go to the doctor, as I remember?’

‘As before, there is nothing. Anatomically, my knees are like perfect. No injuries, no abnormalities, nothing’

‘But why does it hurt then,’ it wasn’t really a question.

‘I wish I knew,’ Ten looked at Taeyong’s hands vacantly, the thought crawling into his mind. ‘I think… I can’t dance anymore,’ he said quietly, ‘I can’t even walk properly, you know. I won’t be able to take part in the competition next month if I don’t do anything with my legs in a short time, and it seems there is nothing I can do.’ He felt weak saying that — he should have been fighting until the end, he had to find a cure, he just had to try harder. He sighed. ‘This is nuts.’

‘Total… Do not worry about the competition, please, your health is more important than that. You’ve tried applying ointments, right?’

‘Like a dozen of them. Mom even brought some traditional Chinese ointment, but to no result. The bandages don’t help also. And injections of some weird stuff. I don’t know what is going on, and don’t know what to do. No school for me, I guess.’

Taeyong reached his hands and snuggled Ten into warmness of his hug.

‘Taeyong, I’m scared, like, legitimately,’ Ten whispered, feeling like crying but finding comfort in Taeyong’s embrace.

‘It’ll be okay. You’ll find the cause and get well. I, and all of us, will be waiting for you here, y’know.’

‘What will I do? The work will just kill me more. If I can’t dance, I…’

‘Ten, I believe it is temporary. As for now, you still can draw. And sing, you’re awesome at it, I know. Try switching to it, while you're looking for a cure. Dancing can wait a bit, you need treatment at the moment.’

‘But nothing helps, and everything is fine with my legs. Yet the more I dance the worse it becomes. I’m honestly desperate right now.’

Taeyong’s hug was warm and strong, and it helped to release some of the tension that had filled Ten’s head recently. He relaxed a bit, even with the thought ‘You will never will be able to dance again’ swinging in his mind.

‘You know, there is a legend, like, nobody takes it seriously, but it still is there. You know what soulmate is, right? So, the legend goes something like, when the soulmates are about to meet, their bodies malfunction, to such an extent they might die, so they'd better be faster. Maybe it's just time to meet your soulmate? Try going on a date?’

‘Taeyong, this is ridiculous.’

‘Well why not? Legends don’t get created baselessly.’

‘You sound like my grandma when I was six,’ he grinned.

‘Okay okay, I was just trying to cheer you up a bit,’ he released Ten and put his warm palm on his hurting knee. ‘You’ll be fine, I believe that.’

‘Thank you, Taeyong. I do appreciate it.’

‘Come on, it’s time you head home as you can't dance anymore today. The others will come in a minute,’’ Taeyong stood up and helped Ten do so. ‘Need a lift?’

‘No, I’m fine. Thanks again.’

‘You’re very welcome. Come back soon.’

‘I will.'


	2. January 6 Johnny

The thoughts felt alien, but all Johnny was capable of doing was to give in. They were cold and sharp, like needles poking his mind and making him think things he had never done so before. He lied in his bed, much more tired than he should be after a rather relaxed day at work, and felt the thoughts crawling into his mind, intoxicating his entire conscious. It felt like his lungs were in pain, dense and dull; it almost made it hard to breathe.

He’d moved from Chicago three months ago, and since then he felt worse and worse, and pointed the blame on the relocation. He tried concentrating on studies and work, hoping it would help, as many people said it would, but eventually it just made everything worse, routine eating him up. Quickly, Johnny fell deeper and deeper into a depressed state, and could find no solution to that.

It all started home a few months prior to his move when his grandmother suddenly died, and continued with the conflict with relatives who, when attended the funeral, decided it would be a great idea to start an argument about whether or not the flat would be theirs. What worsened the situation was the fact that his uncle, whom everyone believed to be a decent person, also called to ask about inheritance, while Johnny’s family was still in grief and shock. Such behaviour was out of his understanding, and made him feel so disgusted he thought he would puke. 

Gradually he started to as if fall out from the world more and more frequently, giving all his attention to the thoughts that surged around him like water. Eventually there was no way to stop anymore, spending most of his time reflecting, finding in the end that he could do it even during the work; nothing was able to distract him from that toxic barrel that were all the thoughts and ideas that visited his head.

 

He stared at the ceiling, feeling an urge to cry for no apparent reason, feeling  _ bad; bad  _ was the best word he could use to describe his state to anyone, yet no one seemed to understand what exactly was hiding behind the word. His mood was low almost all the time, and there was growing in him a giant ball of self-hatred, as he could not find any reason to not be disappointed in himself. He knew something was wrong about his state, but the feeling of guilt would not let him seek for help — for he believed he did not really deserve any.

In three months, from a quite positive and outgoing person he transformed into one that would not want to see anybody and would not be able to get of the loop of constant self-accusation and reflection.

The bed felt cold and strange; Johnny did not feel safe in his own room, and that just added to his strung condition. He missed home, or at least thought so. He didn’t miss the place itself but the people who lived there. Most of all, his father, who was always able somehow to create a shield around his son. Johnny acknowledged it the first time when there was that quarrel related to inheritance. However bad he felt that time, with some small and not-so-small talk his father helped him switch his attention to other things, and for that Johnny was grateful. With his dad he felt safe, more or less.

 

He turned to his side, looked at his hands, and sighed lightly — he was on the loop again and needed a smoke — another bad habit he made because of the move. He knew that in an hour he probably would be capable of functioning again for a short time, even though still pondering on the same things over and over again. At the moment he felt too weak, but still made himself stand up, grab the pack and the lighter from the bag, and leave the room.

The street was gray even with the sun lighting it, and noisy due to cars rushing down it. Johnny used to enjoy the view of people passing by, but now he just paid no attention to them, all the faces melting into one giant mass of features that made him feel lonely in the city.

He thought of how he at the same time wanted and did not want for his roommate to come back from his trip sooner. The first was because of how Taeil made him feel at least somehow safe knowing that there was always someone home to talk to him about how the day was going or about music or anything else, therefore diverting his attention. The second was because Johnny did not want to be a burden to him, or to anyone.

He lit up the cigarette and inhaled the smoke, feeling more unwound instantly; feeling how his nerves relaxed a bit, the cold hands releasing his lungs.

  
  
  



	3. January 8 Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry it takes me so long to write this. Studies and work take almost all my time, but I promise I will be working on this.

Work should’ve helped Ten distract, but the pain wouldn’t leave, so he spent the day trying to fight his knee and losing, the joint in the evening feeling like it was smashed to smithereens. The day wasn’t particularly busy, for which he was grateful, for it let him spend most of the shift in the staff room, where Jaehyun would never leave him alone for more than five minutes. Jaehyun was the only of the staff who knew Ten had it bad with his knee, so that day he would be running in and out of the room, doing his best to distract Ten from the pain.

As a result, the day was a mess; in the evening the manager warned Ten that he should either go to the main hall or be fined. Unwillingly, Ten obeyed, having no strength to argue. He was putting T-shirts in order when sensed a slight relief that made him look around in surprise. The hurt was still present, but it became much lighter, such that he felt the leg relaxing and could stand without much discomfort.

‘What the hell,’ he thought, moving his leg from right to left and back and bending his knee slightly a few times. He got so used to pain that the sudden relief felt alien.

When finished with the tees, he wanted to go to the staff room again to sit down and reflect a bit, but manager would be screaming, so he had to pretend he was busy in an almost empty room with the only customer being a guy that was flipping through hoodies at the other end of the hall.

‘How's your poor leg doing?’ Jaehyun was standing behind the cash register, his arms crossed but with a warm smile playing on his face. He looked good even wearing the uniform — well he was a person that looked good in anything. Ten had known him for a few months but he felt it would be a friendship for years, for there was no reason for it not to be. Jaehyun was both open and insightful, and it was easy to be near him, even though he would read you like an open book — probably for Ten it was comfortable because he had nothing to hide. The only thing that annoyed him was that Jaehyun wouldn’t get tired of calling him for endless parties, of which Ten wasn’t a fan, every now and then, sometimes in the middle of the week.

‘Surprisingly, I feel better. I was folding the tees when I felt pain dissolving, and now it at least doesn't hurt when I stand. You leaving soon?’

‘Nah, I'll stay with you for the night.’

‘Really? My life seems to suck less and less now.’

‘You're overrating my company.’

‘You know how deadly boring the nights are. Folding and folding and folding. And some hanging as a dessert.’

‘Still better than nights at the restaurants, where you have to deal with the drunk.’

‘You seem to always have something to say back.’

‘You too,’ Jaehyun squinted at Ten, smiling wide.

‘Fair enough.’

‘As if it’s a bad thing. People should expect a response when they speak to someone.’

‘Maybe you’re just an asshole?’

‘But you too then.’

‘I am the sweetest person you’ve ever met, am I not?’ Ten laughed when Jaehyun made a move to poke his ribs. ‘Don’t you dare do that.’

‘Okay, okay, Mr. Ticklish. Listen, as your knee feels better—’

‘I will not go to a party with you.’

‘Oh come o-o-o-on, why not? You never really explain why you wouldn’t go with me.’

‘I lack the wish to go, sorry.’

‘This one will be more or less calm, you’ll like that, I promise. My friend has invited a lot of interesting people, and you love to take part in an interesting conversation. There will also be that guy from America Taeyong never shuts up about.’

‘What’s with him?’ Ten squinted at a sudden light rush of pain that faded instantly.

‘He writes music that the guys seem to be fans of. And he’s deadly handsome, if we are to believe Taeyong.’

‘Are you planning a date for me?’

‘Why not?’

Ten pondered on that a few seconds with a tee in his hands.

‘Okay. Maybe if I go once you’ll finally leave me alone.’

‘I promise, if you don’t like it I won’t call you again. So, let’s meet tomorrow at, hmm, seven p.m. I’ll drive you there from your place.’

‘Alright. Thanks. Now let’s finally do the job, or the manager will peeve.’


	4. January 9 Johnny

If anyone asked Johnny why he agreed to go to the party, he wouldn’t be able to answer, for the real cause was a secret for him, too. Considering his state, it would be a better idea to stay home and spend time writing music, but he decided to go nevertheless. In the end, he wanted to have some fun, even though in the last few months he had seemed to forget what the phrase meant ir real life. Music was the only thing that kept him going, but recent tracks he had recorded did not satisfy him, and he felt the situation worsening. 

It was not like he did not understand there was something wrong with how he had started to see the world; he couldn’t put a finger on the cause. The day before, Taeil had told him, ‘I think you have depression,’ and after some time of googling, Johnny had to agree. The thought made him uncomfortable, for before he used to think depression was something people used to draw attention — now he was ashamed for that. 

Taeil also told Johnny to go see a psychotherapist, of which he was afraid. He did not dare tell his parents either. The fear was strong in him, just like the guilt for his own state.

‘We are never guilty of our state, Johnny,’ his roommate said, trying to soothe him. ‘There is nothing to be ashamed of, really.’

‘If I just had muster enough strength—’

‘This isn’t something you can shoo away with the mere wish. Listen,’ Taeil sighed, ‘I know that you know that here the whole stuff is stigmatised, but I believe that if you find a doctor, they will help you. My aunt suffered from depression a few years ago, but now she is okay. And you will be.’

Johnny promised to think about it, but the more he thought the bigger the fear grew in him. So when one of his friends called him to the party, he subconsciously felt it would distract him a bit, and agreed.

The party was all noise and fake smoke; some guys were smoking joints right in the middle of the room; the music was deafening and made Johnny’s mind pulsate in the rhythm. He brought a couple of cider bottles with him and took a strategically profitable position in the corner of the room where everyone went to smoke. He would listen to chitchat of the others, not letting himself drown in the toxic thoughts that yet again tried to conquer his mind.

‘You okay?’ one girl asked him, looking at him curiously. 

‘Yeah... Probably.’

‘Maybe you should go dance? To release the thoughts that burden you. Don’t look at me like that, it’s written on your face that something concerns you.’

‘I’m not really fond of dancing, but thank you for the invitation,’ he ignored her other comment. She left him alone.

After what felt like an eternity, with some Perturbator tracks playing so loud Johnny couldn’t hear his own thoughts — of which, in fact, he was grateful — he took the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and smoked. There were two guys in the room beside him, Taeyong, the owner of the flat, and some short guy with a lot of ear piercings. They were talking about dancing and something being wrong with the knees of the short one, and Johnny listened with interest, relaxing finally with nicotine hitting his body. He felt the thoughts being loud, almost screaming, and he felt the weird wish to hurt himself suddenly, but the music was so loud it outperformed all the bullshit he had in his mind.

‘Johnny, you fine? Haven’t seen you in the living room today.’

‘I’m just… thoughtful.’

‘Won’t you share your thoughts with me?’

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s okay. Come on, Ten, let’s go,’ and they left him alone.

 

So in the end, the party indeed let him relax, only for his state become worse when he came back home. The guilt suffocated him, and there was no escape from it. Crying himself into sleep, he thought that Taeil was right, and he needed professional help.


End file.
